The real problem is not changing the other person but changing myself

Some people make the world more special just by being in it and you can be that special person too just by being a good human being.

To be a good human being is not to change others, but to change myself. It is much easier for me to change myself because changing myself saves me from all the pain and suffering that goes with changing the other person.

When I am no longer able to change a situation, I am challenged to change myself. To change myself, I have to inquire within myself to know what it is in me that has been challenged.

Is it what I dislike in the other person that has been challenged?

Yes, I have realised, to dislike someone or something is to dislike myself. To hate someone is to hate myself. To be angry with someone is to be angry with myself. It is explicitly clear to me through my self-awareness, what I do to others, I do to myself first. I will not think that way anymore. The end of any more suffering. The end of my irrationality.

The real problem is not changing the other person but changing myself.

I believe in changing myself, because changing myself will make me a good human being. If I am unhappy about the other person’s behaviour, it’s only because I don’t like something in him or in his behaviour. In other words, I am irrationally reacting to something in his behaviour or in his attitude, so I am the one who has the problem, because I am the one who is projecting my dislike on to him, and it is my own projection of dislike that is being reflected back to me from him. And when I feel my own reflection being returned back to me from him causing me to dislike him more, I blame him that he needs to change his attitude. What I don’t like in the other person is in me and therefore I have realised it’s not in him. It’s in me; I need to change.

I need to change has been revealed to me through cautious hesitant awareness and then comes the awareness that the thinker is the thought. In other words, it is the awareness itself which has revealed that the DISLIKER is the DISLIKED.

Email your comments to:

Share This: